Classmate Response 3

When workshopping another person’s poem, sometimes you have to tell them what to cut out. What language is unnecessary? What is redundant? Like “hard rocks.” We know rocks are hard. Or “sweet honey.” Again, too much. Use an economy of language—the best words only, in the best order. Is there an unneeded line or a confusing one? Cut it. Cut all but the most interesting languages and you can expand later. This is also detailed in Writing Poetry.

When you respond to a classmate’s piece this week, find what language they need to remove. Help them rewrite it, or tell them your favorite parts. This can be a handful of words from the entire segment. Challenge yourself to take a single line from their piece and expand it into something different. Share it with them.

Freewrite Prompt 3

Since we’ve been speaking of voice in class, let’s talk about perspective. Check out famous female poet Ai’s poem in Writing Poetry. She assumes the voice and perspective of an angry husband. Here we see that a narrator in a poem is a character—not the voice of the poet. Even if the narrator is supposed to be you, s/he will never be. You are more dimensional than a narrator can be. Keep that in mind when you’re writing or reading a piece. This can also be a great way to edit your poems. Change the perspective. Try to write from a male or female’s voice, from different age groups, or change from first to second or third person. For this week’s prompt, write down a memory from your first-person perspective. Then, change it. Either 1. write the same experience from the opposite gender perspective, 2. from a person fifteen years older, or 3. change it to a third-person perspective. Notice how the syntax, the vocabulary, the tone, or the distance to the subject changes.

Check out this selection of “Little Epiphanies” from esteemed poet, Allison Joseph:

The difference between what’s required
and what’s desired is the difference

between the chocolate and the cake,
the car and the new car smell, the nightie

and the night. There’s so much I want
to twist round my fingers, to stroke

and stir, sketch and stretch, but so much
I should sweep and scrub, strip

and sterilize.  But I’d rather wring dirt
from my pores, turn it to ink instead,

rather scurry to my driveway to study
the moon’s abrupt phrases than kneel

with bucket and mop to banish shadows

Now, let’s change it:

The difference between what’s required
and what’s desired is the difference

between the chocolate and the cake,
the car and the new car smell, the nightie

and the night. There’s so much you want
to twist round fingers, to stroke

and stir, sketch and stretch, but so much
you should sweep and scrub, strip

and sterilize.  But you’d rather wring dirt
from pores, turn it to ink instead,

rather scurry to your driveway to study
the moon’s abrupt phrases than kneel

with bucket and mop to banish shadows

See how this changes the relation? Rather than some introspection, the piece becomes an admonishment. Try it out in your own work.